Friday, September 07, 2007

Quilting CV

We have taken on two new pupil barristers in my chambers and I have been reading their CV's. They are frightening. Whe I got my first trainee job it was sufficient to have good A levels and a decent chance of getting a good degree with an intention to go on to law schoool. Now they have all their accademic and professional qualifications already. Plus they have done things like learn conversational Java when on a solo motorbike journey across Indionesia, or work in a death penalty center in Oklahoma. They have done interneships in Strasbourg and one of them has even been the scretary general of some UN student group - I mean it wasn't quite Kofi Anan's job but was still pretty impressive. ( I have not made any of that up).

It made me depressed at my inadeqacies so I decided to review my skill set and give you my quilting CV:

I have undertaking the following roles for at least twenty months:

Small business support officer
Responsiblity for assisting sole traders and small partnerships in the fabric retail industry to maximise their trading profits. Worked with not only UK traders but also with dealers in the US.

International communicators director
Responsibilty for writing, producing and disseminating a focused textile related journal with a potential readership of several milion in an international forum

Production engineer
Responsibilty for managing over fifteen ongoing design and manufacture projects each requiring detailed attention to pre-production design, mechanical and mathematical calculations, the maitenance of machinery and the end fabrication processes.

Spacial organisation faciltator
Responsibilty for the ergonomics, health and saftey of the storage and production areas to include financial planning and manual construction of fabric containment units

HR/ Family Liason officer
Responsiblity for negotiating allocated time allowances, compromise agreements and time-loss compensation agreements with non-quilting sectors within the home organisation

Budget supervisor
Responsibilty for creative budget planning, the establishment of specific textile-dedicated allowances and the rationalisation of non-textile budget areas to allow for sector expansion.


What have you been doing with your life?!

6 comments:

Melusine said...

Your CV made me smile. Amazing what words can do.

Deborah said...

So so so funny! Thank you for making my own life seem much more respectful. We have a lot in common.

Erica said...

Brilliant ! You have business-speak down pat and are welcome to spin my cv any day.

Helen said...

Laugh of the week to you, namesake! Can I pinch your post and put it in our quilt club newsletter (with proper accreditation, of course. Please? Pretty please??

English Rose said...

you're hired!
that just made me smile so much hon, thank you, very clever, and good use of business/cv speak.

katelnorth said...

Hey, I do all that stuff too! what a coincidence :)