Filofax quilt record sheets

You may remember me showing you my studio filofax over on the blog I share with Diane Perin Hock. After that post I took Lisa Call's Working in a Series class. One of the early questions I had about working in a series was how You avoided simply making the same mediocre art and the same mistakes over and over again. I learned that self-critiquing was the answer to that. Taking that thought I combine it with some other desires I had : to set parameters for each piece, to have a record of what I was doing, particularly in terms of time and costs, and to subsequently track what happened to that piece be it sale, shows or the bin. So, I made some new template pages for my filofax.

Each project now gets its own little four page booklet. On page one I record its working title, which series it belongs in, estimated time before I start, dates it starts and finishes ( Ooops. I see that is incomplete on this example!) following Lisa's advice I set my goal, my parameters and my intentions.

 

On page two I set out the steps I need to take to finish the quilt with target dates so that it completes before any deadline. I also capture any ideas that occur to me as I work relating to this quilt or series like ideas for future pieces or things I could do differently.

Page three is a record of what days I work on the quilt, what I do and how long it takes me. This is useful for both costing a quilt if it is for sale or, in my case, more for teaching myself how long things really take compared with my estimate so that I can plan realistic goals.

I have not yet filled in a page four but when I do it will be an evaluation of a completed quilt and a record of what happened to it.

I keep this filofax to hand in the studio and it has become a pleasurable ritual at the end of each session to note down the times, not only in a page three but also on a diary page so I can see how many hours I spent in what type of activity each week and then each month. It is both motivating to get to my target and, again, helps me see clear how much time I have and therefore how many projects I can choose to commit to.

At the moment I also have an extra sheet detailing the projects I am finishing up before the Olympics. This is a target date because when it is on I shall be having a little holiday to watch it on TV and just afterwards is Festival of Quilts. After Festival I have a few days off as a mini-retreat in my own studio as I am always so full of ideas when I come home and this year I wanted to be able to get straight to work on them. So, the left had sheet above is my weekly diary record and the right is a sheet that divided up how many hours I thought I had to use in the studio between each project depending on when the project was due. As I do hours I deduct from the hours left to make sure I don't spend all my time on the project due last in time. As you can see by the red pen - its my Filofax and I will cheat if I want to!

So, you may by all means consider me an organising control freak ( because I probably am), but this system actually gives me a lot of pleasure as well as increasing my efficiency.

 

I am still working on...

... The horse.

now, anyone with an aounce of sense would make the background first then bond the horse on, but you know.. if there is a difficult way to do it...

The map is of Chester racecourse and  the writing, which only shows up more than texture from quite close  is all about the history of Chester Races, the city and of horseracing in general.

 I have learned so much from doing it. Did you know, for example, that the first recorded horse race in Chester was in 1759 with the consent of the then Mayor Henry Gee and that is where we get the term gee-gees for horses?

 I have some more writing then all the quilting to do. I don't think it is going to be ready for Monday which is when the building it is to hang in opens. But thats Ok because it is a suprise anyway so the deadline is entirley self inflicted!

My studio life

One of my favourite blogs is Lisa Call's and so I am pleased to follow her suggestion that I answer the same questions as she did in this post. She is going to collate all the responses on her blog on 28th June which should provide a fun blog/ studio tour. For some reason Blogsy is rejecting my attempts to post phots of the studio although it will do the ones below. Go figure. But there are plenty of photos here of the studio

Is your studio at home or a separate space?

It is a big loft conversion so has the advantage of being withing the house ( no going out in the rain) but I can be as messy as I like without affecting the calm of the living spaces.

How big is your studio? I think it is about 24 feet by 25 feet but some of that space at the very edges is limited by the sloping ceilings which come down to short knee walls. One quadrant is a full height rectangular dormer window with good head height thought and one quadrant is a full and rather luxurious bathroom.


Typically, how many hours a day do you work in the studio? How many days a week?

I aIm to do at least two a day during the week. Weekend days vary. My current aim is to try to do about sixty hours a month overall. By having the odd long studio day I can usually beat that but it does require me to prioritise. I try for daily but am happy to ditch the studio for days out or away or if I am just tired. I can make time up and its only a goal!! But I do find it useful and satisfying to set goals. My next post will show you a little more about my system for that.

Do you watch television while you work?

Do you listen to music while you work?

If I am up there before work I put BBC Radio 2 on for the Chris Evans show.I use an Itouch on a docking station. I want an expensive AirZepplin docking station which has A- Mazing sound. I have a £30 dock from Tescos. Later in the day I may stick the ipod on but I need to get some new music. I get tired of the same stuff. That said I like to play SouthAfrican gospel music whenmaking African quilts. They go better if I dance as I sew. I do also listen to Audio books via Audible and sometimes stuff on BBC Iplayer. Yesterday I replyed the five fifteen minute essay broadcasts by Albie Sachs, a former ANC activist who is now a member of the South African Consitutional Court. My current audio book is the Unlikely Pilgramage of Harold Fry. I currently have a subscription to Love Film for the sole purpose of catching up on the three series of Grey's Anatomy I missed when It went to a sattelite channel and that also allows me to stream films as well as gorging on Patrick Dempsey.

So I have also watched some light chick flicks I can listen to more than watch. For that I use the ipad and move it around as I move around the studio.

Do you answer the telephone while you are in your studio?

Depends who it is. I always answer the intercom ring because that is my husband telling me dinner is ready. I always answer to my Mum Dad and sister. I never answer if the caller ID shows it is for my husband or an unknown number. I will always answer SKYPE because that's probably Diane Perin Hock from the Twelve by Twelve group who is always welcome to share studio time with me. We swivel the cameras to do show tell and critque. I would break a neck to get to the phone if I thought for one minute it would be..

How often do you take breaks?



I find about two hours at a go is my average natural limit without at least a ten minute tea break. but sometimes I fall down the well and its longer.

Do you have any over-use issues with your hands or any other body parts?


I have solved the back problems by building ( well, Ok, nagging the builder to build) a worksurface at a good eronomic height for my back. Being a tall person cutting on desks and dining room tables use do cripple my lower back. Now all I have to watch for is fatigue in my hands when I hand sew too much but most of my work is by machine for that reason. Arthtritis runs in the family and both my Granny and my Mum are now limited in how long they can knit and crochet for so I know to take care. last week I had a big trial at work and had to work unually late. Having taken notes of evidence by hand from 9.30 to 7.45 with only half an hour for lunch and a couple of ten minute breaks I found for days after My hand and wrist was crampy and sore. i clearly needed to see a doctor.

If so, how do you manage them or compensate?

Rest. On the sofa, with Greys Anatomy.

I am working on...

...The next in my new map related series, using yesterdays handdyes

To make this pattern

To go on this background

On which will be a map of this area

And writing about the history of this

What are you working on?

 

Dyes or inks?

Recently I have been playing with surface design by scraping and stamping onto cotton with screen printing inks. Inks, because that is what I had to hand when I decided to play one day and I liked the result. My 20/12 Metamorphosis and Vilakazi Street were both made that way. Last week I spent time with friends in a church hall playing with thickened procion dyes. The piece on the left is screen inks and on the right dyes. I deliberately put heavier stamping on the dyed one but otherwise in terms of colour brightness, nothing in it. The inked piece has a very slight stiffening to the hand of the fabric but nothing that troubles me or makes the slightest problem when handstitching. It is certainly not plasticised. Both media mix well and give the same transparancy. (I mix transparent extender into the inks, again straight from a jar, to further increase transparency if required.)

So which will I use in the future? Well, the screen ink process involves me pinning the fabric straight from the bolt onto my print surface, mixing the inks straight from a pot on a perspex sheet, scraping with a credit card and stamping ( I have been using stamps cut with an x- acto knife from a WH Smith eraser) and leaving it. It is dry in a couple of hours max and ready to use.

The dying involves making print paste and dye solutions and mixing them, then mixing the resulting paste colours. The fabric needs to be presoaked in soda ash. Both of those processes require the use of a mask. Then I pin scrape and stamp as with inks but then must wrap in plastic and cure for at least four hours, ideally overnight. Then there are several washings out by hand and by machine with synthropol and then it has to be either tumble dried or my preference is to drip dry overnight. Thats a lot more than two hours from jar to useage.

Screen inks for me then, at least for the fabrics which suit the background of my current series. I am currently using inks from Thermofax Screens. That said, the next 20/12 ( due for reveal on 12th July) will use the dyed fabric you can see above, but with a section scraped over with inks to give a colour closer to Metamorphosis.

Metamorphosis



Vilakazi Street

Big box of pleasures

Today, at eight am exactly the postman called with with a box for me. Now this is photo heavy but I thought you'd want to know exactly what was in there. And why The card explains the why.

Excuse the casual photo compositions. I was a little happy snappy with the ipad. You understand I am sure.

So lets just concentrate on the what. A good book to read. Just because we like reading.

 

Then some gifts from fellow Twelve members that I would have got in November last year, had I not been a partypooper and failed to attend the meet up at Houston. But they forgave me and sent the gifts via California anyway. So they are a bit late. So what? I'd linger in California too.

First a little piece from Kristen La Flamme.

 

Then one from Deborah Boschert. You can see the programme from Houston peeking out from behind it.

There was also a beautiful soft handdyed silkscarf from Gerrie Congdon but I seem to have forgotten to photo that. Probably because it went straight around my neck.

Next out came a silk pen I bought myself but Diane assisted me to get shipped from Dharma trading which is near her. Or much nearer her than it is me anyway.

This is what Susan Shie uses for the handwriting on her quilts and I have been considering one for a while. I was galvanised into purchase by (a) liking the effect my handwriting had on my map quilts and (b) Susan being generous to send me a lovely permissive and supportive email when I asked her if she thought I was copying her. I am looking forward to playing with this sometime soon. Maybe when I am playing with the techniques from this DVD

Then, at the bottom, for she knows how to build up suspense, lay a box in a box...

And inside the box...

A caramel Finchley A5 filofax, now discontinued and sourced by my great friend from Florida, with not inconsiderable difficulty and frustration as a rather extravagent gift.

Oh. And the box, for customs purposes said 'art supplies'. True. She also sent me printing and collography materials!

 

 

Mess

So, you saw the studio all nice and sort of as tidy as it is between working projects. And it seems to have caused angst amongst some people with less tidy studios. So. Time to fess up. I started a new quilt yesterday and this is exacty how I left the studio when I walked out of it last night. Feel better?!

PS The three pairs of scissors and the rotary cutter and ruler are under there somewhere!




 

Carmelite wall

Everyday I drive past a wall behind which a sequestered order of nuns live. I always wonder what their life must be like.

I am equally fascinated by the wall which changes as it goes around. It has many different shadings and striations. I could not resist getting the camera out much to the bemusement of the local dog walkers.

 It is begging out to be used as quilt inspiration. But I am not feeling ready to do it just yet so if anyone else wants to use these photos feel free. There are more where they came from and if you want a full set let me know and I will put them in a variable Dropbox folder.

Studio tour

Hey there! Remember me? I used to come here and blog all the time? I know. I have been remiss. But I am back now and I thought you might like to see where I have been hanging out. I had lunch with Curry in a Hurry Queen Nisha Katona today ( check out her videos especially this one touring the Indian food shop where she encouraged me to drop some money today). I tried to show her my studio on the ipad and realised that I never did post finished photos.

I was going to tidy up and give you arty detailed shots like these wonderful african baskets from The African Fabric Shop

But I didn't. So this is what it all looked like today. We have blazing sunshine today so excuse the odd line of light on the pictures. I try to keep it sort of vaguely tidy. When I am mid creating it gets lots worse than this. Sometimes it gets a bit better. Mostly this is about it.  The whole area as you see below is 26 1/2 feet by 24 1/2 feet.

The studio is a loft conversion so you enter by these stairs, at the top of which is a silver magnetic dry wipe board for  inspirational photos and scribbled reminders. although on the photos the wall in the studio look white in fact only the ceiling ( including the eaves) are, the rest are Farrow and Ball Pavillion Grey and Crown Mojito.

You turn right at the top to enter my reading nook. I am pleased that I have room on the bookshelves to grow into! The stair bannisters makes a handy storeage/ display area for some of my older semi-traditional quilts. I still need to find a good rug for this area. Chocolate is kept in the drawers under the kettle along with silk, abacca tissue and hand sewing threads.

Walking with the bannisters on your right you enter the main part of the studio.So as you walk from the reading nook you are walking towards the gap between the desk and the cutting surface you see here.
The design wall is not as high as this quilt so I have the desk temporarily pulled out a little. The only real compromise in ths studio is the size of the design wall as being a loft there are only two walls on which it could go. This one is the one you can walk back further from so I chose to put the design wall here and the bookcases on the other as seen in the next photo. The design wall is insulation board wrapped in white wadding and screwed to the wall. ( Thanks Dad!!)  It is 80 x 48 inches.

The black drawers you see everywhere are incredibly cheap and versatile. You can build any combination of depth drawers and stacks you like ( they are all the same width and come in a variety of colours) and they are from Really Useful Products. You can also put lidded boxes in the same stacks should you prefer that. I like them because they all match and you can take the whole drawer out and put it on your work surface. The drawers behind the desk are full of fabric and threads. My A3 Epson printer sits on the drawers to the left.  The light over the sewing machine is a Triple Bright Light from the Daylight Company and I highly recommend it. I am thinking abut getting a blind for this velxu window now it is getting summer. The light comes from this side in the the morning and the dormer window in the evening (where this photo was taken from)  so I get light all day long.

This is looking from the desk towards the dormer window. Under the window seat is lots of storage - spare machines, rolls of PDF fabric,wadding etc. The little face on the bookcases was a gift from art quilter Pat Dicker  and it reminds me of the great time I when I was at retreat in California. The sewing desk above and these bookcases where the furniture I had in my room in Chambers when I was still practising as a barrister before my current day job. The cutting surface you see is made of black high gloss kitchen cabinets on castors with a platinum lamiate top. ( Howdens, if anyone in the UK cares). The black drawers on the right hold papers, some backing fabrics and some commercial fabrics.

So is my pressing station on which I have a piece of MDF covered with two layers of wadding and a cotton top.  I store my rulers on the island to the left of the pressing surface.The two freestanding islands (which are each 35 x 64 inches) can be pushed together to make a bigger surface if I so desire. Inside are lots of Really Useful boxes and, well, stuff! Putting the iron on the wall was, if I say so myself, a stroke of genuis design. I also bought an iron which turns itself off after a certain time ( you can reactiviate it quickly with just a shake) so no worries anymore about leaving it on all night which I was known to do! The african basket on the floor is my waste basket. The lime quilt on the wall was a gift from Diane Perin Hock and reminds me of our wonderful friendship everyday. The cross stitch is of three African Women and was a kit I bought and did about a square inch of and my Mum finished for me! Hidden behind the bar stool are more black drawers with art equipment in. You can see the flourescent tubes which have daylight bulbs in.  there are also inset lights in the low beams over the reading nook and the sewing desk/ office desk.

From the reading nook and the dormer I look out over fields. Beyond the fields is a Safari Park and I can hear elephants and tigers roar from time to time as well as the bleating of sheep and twittering of birds nearer by.

Over by the sewing desk is my office desk.The photo is one Diane Perin Hock took from the Bishops Ranch where the retreat I mentioned was held and, again reminds me of good times and gives me hope for a return trip. I still need to buy a new desk chair. I bought a glass desk so that with a lamp under it the whole thing becomes a light box. The floor in the studio is laminate. The phone on the glass shelf has an intercom and my husband frequently uses it to ring me and tell me that my meals are ready! You can see some of my filofax collection on the desk.

Behind the green wall you see there is 'my' bathroom. I am lucky. My husband insists that the main family bathroom downstairs, in which we have a huge shower cubicle but no bath, is 'ours' but this one is 'mine'.

(Ooops. I left my acrylic paint sheet propped up by the sink! ) It is not the pink Dennis says makes it a girl bathroom, or even the airbath,  but the position of the toilet, which is absolutely fine if you sit down.... :)

If I push the door back more I can see the design board from the bath which is great for thinking through a design issue!

The bathroom gives me a water source so I can dye/ paint up here but as you can see the sink is designed for beauty not functionality and whilst its fine for teeth brushing it is not good for washing our paint laden brayers. Opposite the sink but not shown on these photos is a large storage area built into the eves in which I keep screens dyeing equippment etc at the moment. I use Really Useful Boxes put into the sink to wash things up in and pour the water down the loo. I keep a printing surface (MDF covered with acrylic felt and broadcloth) under the pressing station island and have drop cloths to cover the islands. So messy work is doable. I've packed up much of my tools in this photo - I was scraping and stamping fabric with screen inks.

But its not ideal. This is not a design flaw as the plan always was to convert the garage downstairs to a 'wet' studio/ utility room combined and we are just saving up now to do 'Phase Two'.

So this is where I am if you want me.

Vilakazi Street

Today is the reveal for the Twelveby Twelve 20/12 Map theme quilts and you can see my quilt and another that followed on from it over on the blog. It is based on Vliakazi Street in Orlando West in Soweto and I have written the story that inspired the quilt all over it using a Pitt Artists pen. This photo marks the text sections which are reproduced below for anyone who wants to know the story. Sorry about the dodgy ipad photo with added  glare! The official blog photo is better!

1.

The Sowetan uprisng on n16th June 1976 began when, as part of the apartheid policy of giving black and coloured children poor education the Apartheid givernment issued a decree that certain school subjects should be taught in Afrikaans, a language with which the children were unfamiliar and which was associated with the opressive regime. the response to the decree was initially that some teachers resigned their posts and children began to boycott classes. The South African Student Movement (SASM) organised a march to the Orlando Stadium on 16th June 1976 as a peaceful protest. One of the gathering points was the Phfani Junior SecondarySchool in Vilakazi Street. the route from others schools to the stadium was baraccaided by Police and the leaders asked the crowd not to provoke the Police and took an alternative route ending up near the school in Orlando West. Here the Police shot at the children. Eyewitness accounts vary as to whether some children threw stones at the Police first. Over the next two days up to 600 were killed and 1000 injured.

2.

the iconic photograhic account of the 16th June 1976 uprising was takenby Sam Nzima of The World newspaper. He said, " I saw a child fall down. Under a shower of bullets I rushed forward and went fo rthe picture. It had been a peaceful march. The children were singing Nkosi Sikelele. The Police were ordered to shoot." His picture showed Hector Pieterson,who had been shot, being carried by Mbuyisa Makhuto, an eighteen year old student with Hector's sister Antoinette running along side. Sophie Tema, a journalist stopped her car and took them to the Phomalong clinic but he was pronounced dead on arrival. The photo was seen around the world and helped to fuel the subsequent international outrage and political pressure about apartheid. Hector Pieterson was shot on the corner of Vilakazi and Moema Street. However, he was in fact not the first student shot. That was Hastings Ndlovu who was shot on a bridge on the corner of Klipspruit Valley and Khumalo Road. He was taken to Baragwanath Hospital where he dies after being in a coma. Hector therefore probably died first.

3.

The Soweto uprising was but on event in the long struggles against apartheid but it was a significant one. Prior to June 1976 the black resistence had been stilled when, in June 1964 the top echelons of the SNC had been sent to Robben Island.

The uprising energised the black youth. Many left the country to join the military wing of the African National Congress or the Pan African Congress. The incident drew strong international condemnation including UN Resolution 392.

The protests of the school children were successful.A short time later the requirement to teach in Afrikaans was dropped and teachers training improved.

Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu and his wife Leah retain their home in Vilakazi Street.

4.

Vilakazi Street is now a tourist destination, the redevelopment having beenoverseenby the Johannesburg Development Agency. Mandela House is the main attraction.Now a museum it has been restored to how it looked in 1946. The site of Hector Pieterson's shooting is marked with a memorial wall and a short walkaway on Kumalo Street is the Hector Pieterson museum where his sister Antionette works as a guide. There are several public works of art on Vilakazi Street as well as restaurants serving traditional food.

5.

Nelson Mandela lived at number 8115 Vilakazi Street from 1946 to 1961 when he went underground.nHe moved in with his first wife Evelyn Ntoko Mase. Winne Madizekele Mandela moved in in 1958.

6.

Nelson Mandela spent eleven days at Vilikazi Street after his release in 1990.

7.

The Soweto Uprising is depicted in Richard Attenborough's 1987 film Cry Freedom and inspired Andre Brinks novel A Dry White Season.

Matchstalk tears

I had a very odd experience today. I was on the way to yoga this afternoon, flicked on the radio to a show playing down the top twenty from this time in 1978 and this song came on. Within seconds I was in tears.

( This is my first attempt to embed a video using blosgy so just in case it doesnt work the link is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rczfvybq-2g&feature=youtube_gdata_player)


Please ignore Noel Edmonds and his apalling joke at the beginning!

 

Now I often do get an emotional response IN yoga classes. But not driving to them!

Some may say it is a natural reaction to the dreadfulness of the music. But it was not that. I am well known for not having highbrow musical taste and am well inured to such criticisms.

Later, hanging in Down Dog I decided it was one of two things. Or both maybe.

I have been spending time with someone close to me who is very excited about impending parenthood. This has got us talking about our childhood memories. Whilst we never discussed the paintings of LS Lowry I certainly remember the song and being shown some of the paintings. In hindsight that was probably because of this song which was number one when I was eight. It is possible this was the way I first learned about art. They originate from not far from where we live - Salford and Ancotes - are inner city areas of Manchester and places I have driven through to get to and from work on many occasions. So maybe it was a sort of flashback thing.

Two weeks ago I began to work in my home town again after years of working anywhere but. I have been feeling a strong sense of localism so, although Salford is maybe half and hour away maybe it was still close enough to touch a sense of belonging/memory that has been simmering underneath my consciousness?

But more, I think it was a sudden clarity about what can be the sheer simplicty of making art if we choose noto to complicate it.

"He took his brush and he waits, outside them factory gates and he waits to paint them matchstalk men and matchstalk cats and dogs."

As the song tells, he was not exactly well received at the time but now there is a rather spectacular theatre complex and art gallery named after him and showing his work in Salford. And a five star hotel down the road also called The Lowry. And all because he perservered painting his matchstalk cats and dogs because he liked them.

The Lowry Theatre

I am curious... Did this song make it to the USA? If so, did it lead to the belief that we all wear cloth caps? And, Working Mum if you are reading... I have vague recollections that our school might have done something relating to Lowry about this time. Do you recall?

 

Overheard

At the Hockney Exhibition:

Two Irish ( I'm not stereotyping, they really were) Ladies looking at the large ( just over a metre by a metre and half) printouts of the ipad paintings he did.

Lady One: So what's special about these ones?

Lady Two: He did them on a really, really big Ipad.

At the Tate Modern Yayoi Kusama Exhibiton

There was an installation which consisted of a dark room full of furniture. Over the chairs, tables, TVs etc and over all the walls she had placed round flourescent stickers of various colours. A little girl was told by her Dad not to pick the stickers off. She looked up with a mixture of confusion and outrage and said, "At home, this would be naughty."

Bad restaurant day

1. We went to Lime Lounge in Bath, usually a favourtite of ours. it opens at nine for breakfast. At nine forty we arrive. The staff greet us at the door, let us sit down, let us examine the menu then come over.

" I'm sorry. The kitchen is nowhere near ready to serve breafasts yet."

Sigh. So why is the door open to customers then? We leave.

 

2. A couple of streets away the door to Cafe Lucca is open. Snother usual favourite. We walk in. Through the open door.

"Sorry. We are closed," the waitress says.

So why is the door open to cust.... Oh never mind.

 

3. We go to Same Same But Different. the door is open and so is the kitchen. but the teapot arrives with a chipped spout. i say, very nicely, in a very pleasant way, " Did you know the spout was chipped?"

" Oh," says the waitress," Sorry about that." and walzes off leaving me with a chipped spout. i rather meant her to change the pot.

4. Now in London and pre the Hockney exhibition I agreed to meet Dennis at Pontis. It is not there. There is a building site but thanks to mobile phones we find each other and go to Ristorante Biaggio which has an upstairs and a downstairs. Ŵe are seated downstairs and I see that, unlike all the other food I see coming from the back of the ground floor, our dishes are carried down from upstairs into the lobby which is open to the street and thus the rainy air and back inside to our table. My pasta is cold. So is D's pizza. We ask the waiter to reheat it. No he says. It is not cold, the plate is cold but the food is hot.

No. It. Is. Not. Quite possibly because you put it on cold plates.

He is persuaded to take it away and comes back suspiciously quickly with very hot plates. And barely luke warm pasta. I call him back. I tell him is is still luke warm. He tells me it is not. I tell him it is and I am happy if he just puts it in the microwave. He tells me it is not cold. I tell him he will give people food poisoning and I am not arguing with him, he should just microwave it. He says it is not cold.

We leave ( without paying for cold food or the drinks) and in the twenty minutes now available to us cross the road to Pret A Manger who CAN do a hot sandwich.

Is it just me?