Saturday, April 10, 2010

Electioneering

We have a general election in the UK. There is no interesting race or gender card to make it tolerable so I have imposed a news blackout in the house at least for politics. In fact my new job  prevents me from active poltical comment anyway so I am unable to express a view on which party annoys me the most.

However, I do believe that I can stray into fantasy land so, here is my 'When I am Prime Minister and leader of the Don't Be Stupid Party' Manifesto for today.

When I am elected there will be a new law passed requiring every car owner to install on the roof of their car a series of lights which shall carry prescribed meanings to fellow road users, to wit:

Lilac: I am sorry for driving around the roundabout three times at 5 mph but I am  a tourist, I am lost.

Lime:  It is not me that is driving at 5mph. There is a learner driver in front of me so STOP HONKING AT ME

Cerise:  Yup. That was a stupid thing I just did. I am am idiot, I accept that, I apologise for that so put your middle finger away.

Yellow: Danger. I have just seen guerilla knitting and am about to slam the brakes on.

Red flashing: Make way. I have a thread emergency and the LQS shuts in ten mins.

You get the idea. To pay for the increased regulation this system will require ( including a consultation and public enquiry headed by a retired high court Judge into the impact on colurblind people) I will  place a tax on galleries who refuse to accept textiles as a proper art medium.

2 comments:

Azreada said...

Here, here to all you wrote!!

Pat said...

I'll vote for Lilac, Lime and Cerise. Yellow and red could be confused with traffic lights - just borrow a police light and siren for the last two!! By the way when are you standing for election ??